Maybe My Life Just Isn't That Interesting

I always feel like I have a lot to say to you, but when I come to sit here, finger tips poised above my over used keyboard, nothing flows from me.

There are plenty of things I could write about it, love, loss, grief, happiness, excitement, anticipation. I've had many an experience where these emotions have been dominant, and yet, nothing.

Nada

Zip

Maybe it's blogger block, or maybe my life just isn't that interesting.

Sure, I'd lived in four countries by the time I was 13, was a heavy drinker by the time I was 14, and found the best way to get what I wanted from a guy, was to flirt. God blessed me with an ample bosom and unusual eyes, so this was generally not a problem.

I'd penned 165 poems by the time I was 19, all of them currently sitting in a note pad, on backs of receipts, somewhere in the computer archives, never to see the light of a publishers desk. At least not until I'm good and ready.

Maybe I have so much to say, that I don't know where to start.

How do you start to pour your inner soul out when all you have always been told is to 'suck it up' and be strong. The last thing I want to do is seem weak and whiny.

Maybe my deep hidden yearning for acceptance is stopping me, in case I fail. I could sit here quite happily and tell you that I don't need your approval, your adoration, your constant presence in my world, but it would be just a tiny piece of a lie. Everybody wants to feel wanted.

Everybody wants to think they don't need others, but the human being is not designed for a life of solitary. I need other people, they are my energy.

For now, I am going to continue unpacking the mountain of boxes that is my spare room. Moving house the week before Christmas is a hectic thing to do!... Maybe my mind just hasn't been quiet enough to find that inner voice.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and which you all the very best for 2009

Belle

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